Eating disorder resources for families & friends

Each year on November 20, people around the world observe Transgender Day of Remembrance (TDOR)—a solemn occasion honoring the lives of transgender and gender-diverse individuals lost to anti-transgender violence.

This day calls for both remembrance and action. While we mourn those taken too soon, we must also work toward a world where every person can live safely and authentically.

At Monte Nido, we recognize the importance of this day not only as a moment of reflection but as a call to foster inclusion, safety, and healing. Our programs are rooted in gender-affirming, trauma-informed care, offering clients of all gender identities a space where their truth is honored and their recovery is supported with compassion and respect.

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What Is Transgender Day of Remembrance?

Transgender Day of Remembrance (TDOR) was founded in 1999 by advocate Gwendolyn Ann Smith to honor the memory of Rita Hester, a Black transgender woman whose murder in 1998 sparked a movement to recognize anti-transgender violence.

Since then, TDOR has become a global day of mourning, reflection, and advocacy, uniting communities in remembrance and solidarity. The day serves to:

• Honor the lives of transgender individuals lost to violence

• Raise awareness of the discrimination and barriers faced by transgender people

• Foster visibility and inclusion across communities and systems

Today, TDOR stands as part of a broader global movement for equality, safety, and mental health awareness.

For additional information, visit the Human Rights Campaign’s TDOR page or GLAAD’s Transgender Awareness resources.

Why TDOR Matters for Mental Health and Healing

For many in the transgender community, Transgender Day of Remembrance is both an emotional and empowering day—a space to honor loss, hold grief, and find collective strength.

But TDOR also calls attention to the mental health impact of systemic discrimination and transphobia. The transgender community faces:

• Higher rates of trauma, harassment, and social rejection

• Increased risk for anxiety, depression, PTSD, and eating disorders

• Limited access to affirming mental health and medical care

• Ongoing exposure to stigma and violence that erodes safety and belonging

Chronic marginalization can create a cycle of fear and isolation that impacts both mental and physical health. However, the resilience of transgender communities worldwide also speaks to enduring hope and courage.

TDOR reminds us that remembrance must evolve into action. By expanding access to gender-affirming care, supporting inclusive policies, and fostering safe spaces, we can honor those lost while uplifting those living.

Learn more about our affirming care for LGBTQIA+

Understanding the Link Between Gender Identity and Eating Disorders

The relationship between gender identity and eating disorders is complex and often rooted in the experience of gender dysphoria, trauma, and social pressure. For many transgender and nonbinary individuals, food and body control become ways to manage distress or reclaim autonomy in a world that invalidates their identity.

Common contributing factors include:

• Gender dysphoria: using food restriction, bingeing, or exercise to suppress or alter gendered body features

• Social stigma: facing rejection or invalidation from family, peers, or healthcare systems

• Cultural ideals: pressure to conform to binary standards of beauty and gender presentation

• Barriers to care: limited access to providers who understand both eating disorders and transgender health

Without affirming care, these experiences can intensify shame, secrecy, and self-blame.

At Monte Nido, clinicians approach recovery by validating identity and addressing both emotional and physical needs. Our gender-informed treatment model integrates:

• Trauma-informed therapies

• Affirming nutrition education

• Compassionate support for gender expression and transition-related goals

This approach allows clients to heal in a space that celebrates authenticity and rebuilds trust in both food and body.

Creating Safety Through Gender-Informed Eating Disorder Treatment

Safety and affirmation are the foundations of recovery. At Monte Nido, gender-informed care ensures that every client’s identity is respected in both language and practice.

Our approach emphasizes:

• Inclusive, trauma-informed environments designed to reduce shame and promote belonging

• Ongoing staff training in gender diversity, pronoun use, and affirming communication

• Integrated clinical collaboration between therapists, dietitians, and medical teams

• Individualized treatment planning that considers dysphoria, trauma, and transition-related needs

Programs across Monte Nido’s network—including residential, day, and virtual levels of care—are structured to ensure that every person, regardless of gender identity, receives compassionate, evidence-based support.

Clients experience:

• Affirming spaces that welcome all gender expressions

• Peer and group sessions fostering visibility and connection

• Collaborative coordination with external providers for continuity of care

Healing begins when clients feel safe to be themselves.

Honoring Trans Lives on TDOR Through Advocacy and Awareness

Transgender Day of Remembrance invites both mourning and movement. To honor those lost, we can transform grief into advocacy and awareness.

Ways to observe and support include:

• Attending or supporting local TDOR vigils and memorials

• Donating to trans-led organizations providing crisis and legal aid

• Sharing educational resources about transgender mental health and inclusion

• Amplifying transgender voices through storytelling, art, or community dialogue

This day also carries emotional weight, especially for those directly impacted by anti-trans violence. It’s essential to care for yourself and others—through connection, rest, and compassion.

At Monte Nido, we join in remembrance and in action, honoring the courage of every transgender person who continues to live authentically.

Supporting Transgender Individuals Beyond TDOR

Support for the transgender community must extend beyond one day of remembrance. Every interaction, workplace policy, and clinical setting can either reinforce stigma or build inclusion.

Ongoing allyship looks like:

• Listening and learning: allowing transgender individuals to define their own experiences

• Challenging bias: interrupting discrimination wherever it occurs

• Advocating for access: ensuring inclusive healthcare and mental health resources

• Fostering visibility: using platforms to celebrate trans voices and success stories

Monte Nido’s commitment to inclusive, gender-informed eating disorder treatment spans every level of care. Our clinicians are trained to recognize the intersections of identity, body image, and trauma while creating environments where all clients feel seen and supported.

By extending compassion and education year-round, we build communities that protect, affirm, and uplift transgender individuals long after TDOR ends.

Remember, Reflect, and Recommit

On Transgender Day of Remembrance, we pause to remember those whose lives were cut short by violence and hate. We reflect on the courage of those who continue to live authentically despite fear and discrimination.

But remembrance alone is not enough. We must recommit to action—by advocating for inclusion, standing against injustice, and nurturing environments where every person can heal and thrive.

At Monte Nido, we believe healing begins where every individual is seen, respected, and valued. As we honor those we’ve lost, we also hold space for hope—the hope of a future where compassion, safety, and equality guide every act of care.

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Thanksgiving is about much more than food. It’s a time to share moments with family and friends, express gratitude for the good things in life, and celebrate the transition from autumn to winter. Despite all that Thanksgiving represents, it remains a holiday centered around food and communal meals. For people navigating eating disorder recovery, this can present real challenges that are sometimes difficult to manage.

Even with its difficulties, Thanksgiving can also be an opportunity to honor recovery. Managing your well-being on a day so focused on eating is something to be proud of - it’s a reflection of strength and self-awareness. In this piece, we’ll outline ways individuals in recovery can approach the holiday with care, and how loved ones can offer meaningful support.

At Monte Nido, we believe healing happens one choice at a time. Whether you’re early in recovery or years into the journey, this season can be a time to reconnect with gratitude, practice self-compassion, and celebrate the meaningful progress you’ve made.

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Why Thanksgiving Can Be Difficult in Eating Disorder Recovery

Thanksgiving can be a meaningful time of connection and gratitude—but for those navigating eating disorder recovery, it can also bring unique emotional and physical challenges. The day’s focus on food, social gatherings, and routine changes can make it harder to stay grounded in recovery habits and self-care.

Several factors often contribute to the difficulty of this holiday:

• The central role of food. Family-style meals, buffet-style, or unfamiliar dishes can heighten anxiety and trigger eating disorder thoughts.

• Social pressures. Comments like “It’s only once a year,” or “You’re not eating enough,” can feel invalidating or increase guilt.

• Diet and body talk. Conversations about calories, exercise, or “making up for the meal” reinforce harmful messages and comparison.

• Disrupted routines. Traveling, skipping meals, or eating at different times can interfere with recovery structure and stability.

• Body image triggers. Photos, social media posts, or well-meaning compliments about appearance can intensify distress.

• Perfectionism and guilt. The pressure to appear “fine” or participate fully can conflict with the need for rest or boundaries.

It’s completely normal to feel tension in these moments. They don’t erase progress or reflect failure—they simply remind you that recovery requires care, planning, and compassion, especially during high-pressure events.

Acknowledging these challenges ahead of time allows you to prepare supportive strategies, create space for your needs, and approach the day with compassion rather than criticism.

Preparing for Thanksgiving: Planning and Support

The best way to approach Thanksgiving in recovery is to make a plan—and communicate that plan with your treatment team or trusted support system.

It can also help to identify a “support person” who understands your recovery and can offer reassurance, step outside with you, or help redirect conversation if needed.

Finally, set an intention for what you want to focus on besides food—connection, laughter, gratitude, or simply being present. Having something emotionally grounding to come back to can help you navigate moments of discomfort.

Make a plan – and stick to it!

After completing an eating disorder treatment program, you likely have a meal plan designed to support your ongoing recovery. Talk with your dietitian or therapist ahead of time so you can approach the day feeling prepared and supported.

Your eating disorder might urge you to “save up” or restrict beforehand, but that approach can disrupt both your physical and emotional balance. Sticking to your regular meal plan before, during, and after the holiday is the best way to maintain stability and care for yourself. You can also plan ahead for potential moments of distress, such as critical or judgmental comments from family members, so you have a clear strategy for protecting your peace.

Build your support system.  

It takes courage to share your recovery journey with others. While your immediate family may have been involved in therapy or treatment sessions, extended relatives might not fully understand what you are navigating. If you feel ready, consider explaining your recovery and how loved ones can best support you during the holiday. You can even share resources or tips to help them respond with empathy and compassion.

If those conversations feel too difficult, identify someone you trust such as a friend, sibling, or partner who can be your support person during the day. They can help you exit triggering conversations, take a break, or simply offer quiet reassurance when you need it most.

Stay away from weight-loss sites and social media.

This is helpful advice any time of year, but especially around the holidays. In the days leading up to and following Thanksgiving, social media often becomes saturated with messages about dieting, “making up for” the big meal, or “getting back on track.” These narratives can be harmful, particularly in recovery.

Instead of engaging with that content, unfollow or mute accounts that promote guilt or restriction. Focus instead on enjoying the connection, conversation, and warmth of the day. Recovery means celebrating food as nourishment, not something to earn or compensate for.

Prepare your coping techniques.  

Thanksgiving, like many holidays, can bring stress and sensory overload. Beyond the food itself, family dynamics, travel, and expectations can all be emotionally demanding. That is why it helps to have your coping strategies ready in advance.

If you begin to feel overwhelmed, step outside for a moment of calm, practice mindful breathing, journal, or read a few pages of a favorite book. Even small grounding moments can help you reset and reconnect to your recovery goals. Remember, self-care is not avoidance; it is an act of strength and self-awareness.

During the Meal: Mindful Eating and Boundaries

When it’s time to eat, approach the meal with mindfulness. Slow down, breathe between bites, and listen to your body’s cues for hunger and fullness. Remind yourself that there are no good or bad foods in recovery. Every item on the table is simply nourishment and tradition.

If conversations drift into body talk or diet chatter, it’s okay to step away or redirect. You can say, “I’m trying to focus on enjoying the day—can we talk about something else?” Boundaries protect your peace.

Engage in the non-food aspects of the day—talk with loved ones, play a game, share gratitude, or take a post-meal walk if it feels supportive.

Remember that all foods are good foods.  

Your eating disorder might tell you that some foods are “bad.” It might suggest that it is acceptable to have turkey as long as you skip the pumpkin pie. Try not to listen to that voice. All foods are good foods, and you do not need to negotiate with yourself about what you can or cannot eat. Intuitive eating is an important part of recovery throughout the year, but it can be especially meaningful during the holidays.

Remind yourself that you are allowed to enjoy all foods. Prepare a few affirmations ahead of time to help you stay grounded in that truth and to remind yourself that nourishment is not something you have to earn.

Embrace the spirit of Thanksgiving.

For many people, the meal may feel like the centerpiece of the holiday. However, the true spirit of Thanksgiving is one of gratitude, connection, and reflection. Taking time to focus on what you are thankful for can shift attention away from food and help you reconnect with your recovery progress.

Reflect on how far you have come and the positive changes you have made since beginning your healing journey. Gratitude can serve as a powerful anchor, reminding you that recovery is not about perfection but about presence, compassion, and growth.

After-Thanksgiving: Recovery Check-In

When the holiday ends, it’s important to take a moment to check in with yourself. Reflection helps transform a challenging day into an opportunity for growth and self-understanding.

Ask yourself: What felt grounding? What moments stretched you? What would you like to handle differently next time? Journaling or sharing your thoughts with a therapist or trusted support can help you process these experiences compassionately.

To gently re-center after the holiday, try:

• Returning to routine. Resume your regular meal plan and self-care schedule without restriction or over-exercise.

• Practicing mindfulness. Take a few minutes to breathe, journal, or stretch as you reconnect with your body.

• Engaging in nourishment. Prepare meals that help you feel steady and cared for.

• Connecting with support. Reach out to your therapist, recovery community, or loved one to share how you’re feeling.

• Using self-compassion. Remind yourself that recovery is not about perfection—it’s about persistence and patience.

If feelings of shame, anxiety, or guilt surface, know they’re temporary. Acknowledge your effort, honor your courage, and remember that every step forward—no matter how small—is part of recovery.

For Loved Ones: How to Support Someone with an Eating Disorder at Thanksgiving

If you are spending Thanksgiving with someone in recovery from an eating disorder, you are likely a close friend or family member who wants them to feel comfortable and supported. You may also be unsure how to navigate a holiday that can bring up difficult emotions and food-related stress.

Thanksgiving is often centered around food, appearance, and comparison, which can make the day especially challenging for someone in recovery. By approaching the day with empathy, awareness, and intentional communication, you can help your loved one feel safe, included, and cared for. Below are some ways to offer support and foster a more compassionate holiday environment.

Let them know you’re here for them.

Connection and reassurance go a long way. Consider checking in with your loved one early in the day to let them know you are available to talk, take a break together, or help redirect uncomfortable conversations if needed.

You do not have to have all the answers; sometimes, simply being present is enough. If you notice them looking uneasy or withdrawn, they may be feeling triggered or judged. In those moments, gently shifting the topic, inviting them outside for fresh air, or offering quiet reassurance can make a meaningful difference.

Don’t mention their weight or health.  

As a general rule, avoid commenting on anyone’s body, health, or appearance. Even compliments such as “You look so healthy” can unintentionally trigger anxiety or intrusive thoughts about weight changes.

Recovery often involves physical changes, and drawing attention to those can feel uncomfortable or distressing. Focus instead on qualities unrelated to appearance, such as how nice it is to see them or how much you enjoy spending time together.

Don’t mention YOUR weight or health.  

During Thanksgiving, comments like “I’ll have to work this off tomorrow” or “I shouldn’t eat this, but…” often come up in casual conversation. While these may seem harmless, they can reinforce diet culture and trigger disordered thoughts for someone in recovery.

Try to steer the conversation away from dieting, calories, or exercise. Redirect the focus toward gratitude, connection, and shared memories. Ask about people’s plans for the season, favorite traditions, or simple joys that bring lightness to the day.

Engage your empathy.

Supporting a loved one in recovery begins with understanding. Take time to learn about eating disorders, what recovery involves, and why food-centered holidays can be difficult.  

By putting yourself in your loved one’s shoes, you gain insight into their experience and become better equipped to offer compassion, patience, and emotional safety. A little empathy can go a long way toward helping them feel seen and supported.

Don’t press the issue.

If your loved one seems anxious or uncomfortable at the table, avoid calling attention to them or offering public reassurance. Instead of saying, “You’re doing great,” in front of others, quietly check in with them one-on-one.

A simple “Are you doing okay?” allows them to share honestly and seek a moment away if needed. Respect their boundaries, and remember that support often means holding space without pressure.

Enjoy your time together.

One of the most supportive things you can do is treat your loved one the same way you normally would. Overemphasizing their recovery or tiptoeing around the subject can make them feel more self-conscious.

Keep the focus on connection, conversation, and shared gratitude. Talk about family stories, play games, or watch a favorite show together. Your warmth and presence remind them that they are valued for who they are—not for what they eat or how they look.

Creating New Traditions Beyond Food

Thanksgiving can be about far more than the meal itself. Creating new traditions that emphasize connection over consumption can bring meaning and joy back into the day.

You might start a gratitude circle, share what everyone’s thankful for, or take a nature walk together. Play board games, volunteer as a group, or enjoy an afternoon movie.

These small shifts reframe the holiday around presence, not pressure. When you focus on relationships, laughter, and gratitude, food becomes one part of a larger, more fulfilling experience.

Recovery invites you to redefine what celebration looks like—and Thanksgiving is the perfect place to start.

Recovery Is Possible Even During the Holidays

Eating disorders are complex and emotionally challenging conditions that can make any eating situation feel overwhelming, especially during a holiday like Thanksgiving when food takes center stage. It is natural for this time of year to bring mixed emotions, but it can also be a reminder of how far you have come and how much strength you continue to show in recovery.

Try to focus on what truly matters: gratitude, connection, and the joy of being present with the people you care about.

And if you’re struggling, remember also that help is available. Recovery isn’t always easy, but it is worth it.

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When most people think about self-harm, they typically think of someone engaging in cutting or other self-injurious behavior that would cause an individual external physical harm and/or pain.

What many people do not realize is that engaging in eating disorder behaviors can be characterized as extreme forms of self-harm.

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What is self-harm? 

Self-harm occurs when an individual deliberately inflicts physical harm on themselves in order to manage uncomfortable emotions and/or punish themselves for what can sometimes be subjective and/or perceived transgressions. 

These behaviors can be – but are not limited to:

• eating disorder behaviors (restriction, binging, purging, laxative abuse etc.)
• cutting
• burning
• head banging 
• and more 

Self-harm is a maladaptive coping behavior that can have negative short-term and long-term effects on physical and psychological health.

What is the function of self-harming behaviors? 

Self-harm is most commonly used as a form of punishment or as a way to numb or avoid painful memories or feelings. For many individuals living with eating disorders, it is common to struggle with negative body image and negative self-worth which can drive urges to self-injure. With eating disorders, comorbid PTSD can be common, in which many individuals manage by using their eating disorder behaviors. 

While it is important to validate each individual’s experience with traumatic events and why it makes sense that they would use eating disorder behaviors (self-harm) as a way to cope with frightening flash-backs or uncomfortable emotions, it is equally important that they understand the negative consequences of engaging in such behaviors. If more healthful skills are not practiced and implemented, self-harming eating disorder behaviors can become a dangerous cycle and a long-term habit.

Treatment and interventions for self-harm and eating disorders

The good news is there are many treatment modalities that are shown to be effective in treating eating disorders as a form of self-harm! Individual therapy can teach us healthy coping skills to manage challenging emotions. It is essential to practice the coping skills listed below when we are not in distress – so that when we are – they will feel easier to utilize in the moment.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)

 Cognitive Behavioral Therapy teaches us to manage difficult emotions and reframe negative thoughts. An example of reframing a negative thought may look something like this:

Negative thought: “I am hopeless, what’s wrong with me? Why do I keep engaging in destructive behaviors?”

Cognitive restructuring: “Self-harm is my way to feel more in control. In therapy I can learn more adaptive ways to feel more in control, but suicidal thoughts and self-harm make sense after what I’ve lived through.”

Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)

Dialectical Behavior Therapy teaches us grounding and mindfulness skills, distress tolerance skills and interpersonal effectiveness to cope with difficult emotions in a healthy way. Here are a few grounding skills to utilize when urges to self-harm are strong:

• Essential oils
• Holding a frozen orange
• Listening to music
• Deep breathing
• Calling a support
• Counting all of the red objects in the room
• Positive mantra

We’re Here to Help

It can be extremely challenging to reach out for support when experiencing an eating disorder like anorexia nervosa, bulimia nervosa, binge-eating disorder, or others. Self-injurious behavior can often leave people feeling isolated and experiencing feelings of shame and guilt. It is okay to disagree with your eating disorder; in fact we encourage you today to make one small step towards recovery by saying “no” to your eating disorder!

We know finding eating disorder treatment can be tough. Monte Nido is here for you. If you are concerned that you, or a loved one, may have an eating disorder, please reach out to us.

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